Sunday, August 23, 2009

U of C scientists say 'science becomes more fun and good the more high you get'

Scientists at the University of Calgary have found that getting high while conducting science has a more positive effect on science related activities then previously thought. A U of C study says that when scientists are exposed to marijuana, many factors such as scientific findings, fun times, and work related happiness increase exponentially.

"Most studies just look at one factor. We wanted to mix a few of the environmental factors that are part of this particular scenario to study a more true-to-life impact smoking the ganja has on science," says David Reed, a professor in the Department of Biological Sciences who co-authored a paper with research associate Mirwais Qaderu in the advanced on-line edition of the journal Physiologia Plantarum. "We've discovered that science becomes more fun and good the more high you get".

Conventional scholarly wisdom says that drugs can have an adverse effect at the workplace, but according to Professor "Weed" Reed "that is some weak ass capitalist bullshit."

"Not only is science just so much funner with the THC, but I'm finding out all sorts of science." said Qaderu as he lit his Dilbert head shaped Bong. "I pretty much am just learning the shit out of science right now, like Sharks and shit. Sharks are fucking incredible".

Reed and Qaderu, who received funding from the University Research Grants Committee (URGC) and High Times Magazine (HTM), analyzed six fellow scientists that were exposed to combinations of three Canadian drugs: Marijuana, Crack Rock and Cocaine. When asked about their findings Reed simply handed this reporter a mixtape titled, "Proffesa Reed's Sweet Smooth sounds of Science". The mixtape featured a heavy dose of old timey Indian music. "It just came to me after I stared into a microscope for 9 straight hours as I looked at an Onion slide".

Quderu high as fuck, staring at shark data

Because of their findings Professor Reed and Qaderu hope that more scientists will begin to enjoy the subtle nuances of science that often go overlooked by the average non-high scientist. "If people conducted scientific research while fucked out of their minds, I am pretty sure we could cure cancer and the infinite doritio crisis."