Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wildrose Alliance to run in SU elections

Dear leader Paul Hinman lost his only seat in the previous provincial elections to the left-wing Progressive Conservatives (because we know they are hippies) and wants a seat somewhere. He's decided to take the Wildrose Alliance logo to the SU elections when a by-election is held this September for a couple of faculty reps.

"I am excited to send Dr. John Dong to be the faculty of law representative candidate for the SU elections this fall. We're very excited in reaching out to frustrated young Calgarians who were upset over Dr. Harvey P. Weingarten's extreme mandatory beard growth policies." Paul Hinman

While Harvey is expected to step down, his iron grip on the Board of Governors have forced the U of C to adopt the mandatory beard growth policies as best they can.

"I can't grow a beard and I cry every night," says SU president Dalmy Baez.

"What's wrong with beards?" says former Cuban dictator Fidel "The Go-To Guy" Castro.

Student reaction over this new Wildrose Alliance were skeptical of Paul Hinman's move.

"What I see is the Wildrose Alliance taking power and then forcing us to grow wildroses on our beards. That's the real agenda," says 4th mechanical engineering student Joe Skaloney.

"I've been locked out of my office and I don't believe the Wildrose Alliance is going to open the door for me," says Matt Bladek, angry SU representative who has been locked out of his office since the beginning of time.

While reaction to Paul Hinman was mixed, Communist hopeful "Gorby the Red" for the riding of MacHall South was optimistic about the entrance of an extreme right wing party.

"Let them run! At least we both agree on abolishing the current government." Gorby said after having a bit too much vodka on a Wednesday night.

For KXLY Eye Witness news, I'm Jin Jong Il reporting live from Sacremento East.

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