Thursday, April 16, 2009

I aint goin' back on the Non-Ack

President Dr. Harvey P. Weingarten

University of Calgary Administrative Building

Megan Tron

Leader of the 'Cepticons
Social Sciences

To tha greatest human they eva wuz, Dr. Harvey P. Weingarten:

yo, what up you humie g? keepin' it real up in yo fly ass office? Prolly sippin' back yacks as ya read this shit representin' a whole notha class of g. This be Megan Tron a.k.a. Def Con a.k.a Hydrotronic a.ka. the baddest muther fuck to eva come from cybatron to get her bachlas degree in Social Sciences at the U of C eva.

I aint writin' all up in yo bearded mah fucking santa face to hurry the fuck up n send me all ma fucking Anthropology notes on blackboard like I do to the bitch ass losers from ma anth class. I writin' to yo unda some a tha mos X-treme circumstansaz a bot could eva write a letta. Dean Mary Walgren iz pressin' tha board of govenas like a mother fuck to lay down tha law n put the Def Con up on the Non-Ack afta the beat down I layed on that bitch Professa Steve's course ratin'. Afta what happen to me last time, I aint goin' back on the Non-Ack. Ya hear me? I aint goin' back on no muthafuckin' Non-Ack.

Yo honar, I know I got a shady past what wit ma decepticonz swearing to enslave all yo bitch ass humans thus being put back on the Non-Ack, but look at what I be hustlin' to get ma degree of tha S-S in check. I been studying like a mother fuck all day n all night to get me a blingin' 2.1 GPA, which aint no easy feet considering I be taking 2 courses. I be practically a dick suckin' autobot goody two shoes muthafukka. But if I eva got sent back on the Non-Ack I'd probably end up going back to ma bad ways wit a quickness, that n' the home depot would take away ma scholaship.

Mister Weingarten, yall seem like a reasonable bitch, n a pretty aite human. I don't gots to tell ya that the charges held gaint ma shiny metallic ass be whack as hell. Bitch ass Mary and Professa Steve be trumpin' up ma charges to get me the fuck out the UC, so that them bitch ass hata'z can lick they autobot lovin' asses in peace. No doubt that at a closa peek, you'd recanize that they be on autobot payroll, probably gettin' a cut of all that energon Optimus Prime be rollin' in once I be out the way. Yes it's true I muthafucking dropped that bitch ass jimmy neutron lookalike mutha fuck Professa Steve's course ratin' average wit a quickness, yeah it's fucking true as fuck I engineered a facebook group called, "Professa Steve that aguba genie mahfukker is scrap metal", yeah it's true I turned into a X15 Jet n launched a barrage of eggs at his subdivision but does that really warrant such an excellent student who has exceptional leadaship 'bilities to be given a 4 month Non-Ack? FUCK NO.

I ain't wanna go this route cuz this shit pains me but fo the past 2 years yo been educating the fuck outta me at yo dope ass university, so I gotta return tha fava. Last time I went on the Non-Ak I be muthafucking working extra shifts at the H D, even working into the mutha fucking late shift. One god fo-saken night... shit went down. I be muthafukking sittin' at ma cash regista rolling ma eyes at these whack ass muthafucking bob villa wannabe's buying all they putty n nails, makin' small chat bout how they renovatin' they bathrooms n shit thinkin' I be all all infatuated wit their tales, "Shut yo bitch ass mother fucking bitch ass mouth fo I fucking nail dat shit shut and drywall it all even like to give it that real dope ass smooth look" they be all shakin they workboots, n I say, "Hehe, you need a hand carrying these things to your car?". Bitch ass mutha fucka did, so I axe for Dirk to come to regista 3 to help a bot out, but Dirk be on his like 10th break a the day so Linda ma bitch ass managa tell me to fucking shut down the cash, n help this bitch ass dirty mahfucka out to his car cause he can't carry no fucking 2 by 4's by him fucking self. I transformed into a mahfucking dope as shit backhoe, and hauled that shit out to his bitch ass Ford Pickup. Little did I fucking know, them bitch ass autobots n Shia Fucking Labeuf were outside ready to jump ma ass. "This be a mahfucking setup" I say. I fucking turned into a mahfucking Walther P38 and busted a cap in the bitch ass human customer, Shia and Ratchet. Mahfukkas hit the ground wit their circuits all ova the place, but just as I had Optimus Prime in ma sights they all jumped my sorry naive ass and layed the fusion beat down on me... I was as good as dead, ma parts were all scattered across the parkin' lot, buttons and cooling fluid spillin out ma head... they left me there to mahfucking blue screen... somehow I made it outta there alive... but barely. I aint eva been the same since then, always jumping n shit like some nervous fuck wheneva I goto a parkin lot, can't even fucking goto BSD this year cuz yo bitch ass planning committee, but this shit woulda neva happened if I wasn't on the Non-Ack, I aint eva going back.

Sir, I beg you... please reverse the govenas decision, please, I beg yo bearded ass to grant me mahfucking amnesty, I can't go back on the Non-Ack, I just can't. Please.


Megan Tron Out
Social Sciences Student

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is the funniest shit, Megan Tron I love you.thea

├ćndrew said...

These just keep getting funnier. I just submitted "non-ack" to Urban Dictionary:

non-ack
Short for "Non-Academic Misdemeanor," the title given to offenses on university campuses that lie outside the realm of academic offenses like plagiarism. Can include drunken brawling, smoking cannabis on campus, or dropping a professor's instruction rating wit' a quickness. In short, anything fun that lies outside the bounds of taste.

Origin: University of Calgary

Usage:
"Sir, I beg you... please reverse the govenas decision, please, I beg yo bearded ass to grant me mahfucking amnesty, I can't go back on the Non-Ack, I just can't. Please."

Anonymous said...

"fo the past 2 years yo been educating the fuck outta me at yo dope ass university"

When I graduate I am going to make sure that whoever is making speeches references this shit.