Wednesday, July 8, 2009

U of C filling Harvey's shoes with help of

Mr President hard at work on his new Family Drama to air on NUTV later this fall, could you do this?

When news came out that President Dr. Harvey "Double Beard" Weingarten was heading for the escape pod on the exploding Death star that is the University of Calgary many pundents were curious as to who the University Governance would choose to replace the 8 year veteran.

Obviously with the current economic crisis one would think that a great number of highly professional and talented candidates would jump at the oppurtunity to preside over a $1 billion dollar budget and hold the fate of over 28,000 students at their mercy. However the well of viable candidates was dry. No one wanted to be "that guy" who would replace "Double Beard" after his 8 years of tyranny where he infamously turned the University of Calgary into a cash pit, lead way for the new state of the art Library, and put Megan Tron on the Non-Ack. So because of this... The Board of Govenors had to try other avenues in finding their man or woman, so like Home Depot looking to employ a cashier, the University of Calgary developed a $30 dollar marketing campaign to attract a new President and Vice Chancellor by posting the job openings on,, and Craigslist.

While Megan Tron currently writes her special resume and cover letter for the position which can be sent to or phoned in at 403-410-6700, lets take a minute to look at the Job posting on and see what it takes to lead the students, faculty, and shady contractors of the University of Calgary.

One key change for the position, is it is now listed as a Full time position, which means no more vacations to South America! A Masters degree is the only educational requirement, which seems steep, and for a job in education it almost seems like a scam. You wouldn't see Sears saying they require you to buy a Maytag washer and dryer to work for them.

Here is the description for the position... "YOUNG [agist], AMBITIOUS AND INNOVATIVE ARE ONLY PART OF THE STORY, You are a builder at heart. A builder of relationships. Of teams. Of stature" More like a builder of shit and buildings.

"As the eighth President and Vice-Chancellor of the University of Calgary, you will lead a young institution that has already surpassed expectations" Those are some pretty low expectations, yeah we're continually falling in Mclean's ratings, our kids are dumber than shit, we're certainly on the fast track to success and surpassing expectations!

"The University of Calgary is ranked among the top 10 Canadian universities by many measures, including sponsored research funding, graduation of Ph.D students and the quality of its professoriate. Inspire it to ascend even greater heights." I've heard about lying on your resume, but lying on your advertisment? This is ridiculous. Ranked among the top 10 Canadian universities by many measures? Who's ranking system is this? Is Rex, Calgary's red dinosaur mascot doing the rankings? People don't come to the University of Calgary for quality of its professoriate, especially since the turnover on nontenured professors is at an all time high, people come to the University of Calgary because it has some of the lowest standards in the country. See last paragraph.

One thing is for certain, by 2010 the University of Calgary will have a whole new president, and while it isn't certain this new president will be any different from "Double Beard" and actually make this University any better, but like our Souther neighbors to the south after 8 long years, we can't wait for change, we can't wait for hope, we can't wait for someone like Mark Hamil (who has an honorary masters degree from Tatooine Tech School) to become the 8th president of the U of C. ad

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