Friday, April 10, 2009

Got a second Champ?


Hi gang, I'm Bruce Goodman, President and CEO of Vector Marketing west. How you all doing? See the game last night? Go home team! Yeah! Here have an eraser. You've probably seen me around Mac Hall spreading the good word, so how are things going with school? Way to go slugger! Keep shooting for the stars! Getting ready for the summer? Almost short weather, eh? It's too bad I only wear business pants, but I'm all business. Probably looking for a nice summer job right? But not just any summer job right? You want something you can feel good about, and a good wage couldn't hurt what with this recession, am I right? haha... ha yeah, been there done that. Here have a free pencil. Ever think about working for Vector? It's all those good things rolled into one. It's a direct sales firm that markets drum roll... CUTCO CUTLERY! Yeah! Man that stuff is wizard, your mom probably even uses it in her kitchen, and your mom knows quality. It's handcrafted in the states so you know its good. Wouldn't be interested in a set of steak knives eh kiddo? I could set you up with a nice set for real cheap. Bah where are my manners, here have a pen. Might as well test that puppy out, wouldn't want to give you a faulty product, we Vectorites adhere to a strict code of ethics... scribble your name and number down here and your john hancock down there woot!, yeah, awesome! Oh wow I was so close. I'll just give you a ringle dingle later tonight and see if you're still interested in becoming a polished professional adult. In the meantime here have my business card and another eraser. Hey guess what I drive? A 2005 Kia Sportage, thing runs like a dream, can't afford one of them babies working in the salt mines, that's for sure, hold on champ I have to make a call, Hi, Dow Jones? I'd like a million shares in Cutco, yep thanks. Sorry about that chief, you know... how it is. What? Oh wow, I thought you were a certified thousandaire like yourstruly, no autograhs please, haha okay just one JK JK but I sure could use yours, yep right here pally. You're gonna love Vector, lots of babes work there, it's a real babezone that is if you like babes JK I know you're a real straight shooter, it's where I met my wife, don't you get any ideas! hahaha! just kidding champ! Hold on thats my high tech Cutco pager...life of a thousandaire... you know! Business is booming in this marketing market. Here have an eraser. OH MAN! I gotta go pick up my kids from soccer! Bruce Jr hates it when I don't high five him after he scores and this kids like his old man, a real winner so you know he'll be getting like 8 goals. I'll call you tonight gang, oh and I'd reccomend buying some scuba gear because you are going to be swimming in pussy and money working at vector. Here have an eraser.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing on here, last summer they called me almost every day.

stephen_the_decker said...

Best Job Ever!
and i just got a letter of recommendation from this guy! so happy to be in the President's Club!