Monday, April 6, 2009

Alberta's smallest dino not a very good b-baller

Scientists and archaeologists have spent the last 24-hours conducting numerous scientific tests as they try to identify the reasons that Alberta's smallest dino is not a very good b-baller, as per the April 6th Gauntlet news story.
Hesperonychus Elizabethae, the 5-4 first year point guard from rural Alberta, struggled off the bench in her season averaging just 1.7 ppg, 2 rpg and a dismal 13% free throw percentage. "It's not for trying" said Hesper's coach, "Elizabethae is always trying her little heart out, she's the first one to show up at practice, and the last one to leave."
"I just don't know what the problem is, I'm a very athletic person, I practice all the time, and whenever Coach Anders yells at me from the sidelines, I take note and try and fix the problem. This is very discouraging and I am hoping the science department has some answers". said the 19 year old shoot first point guard who set the league record for most blown layups in a single season.
Scientists from the University of Calgary believe there is a logical explanation for Elizabethae's lethargic play. "She has the ugliest jumpshot I have ever seen, it's like a mix between a chest pass and a butterfly stroke." proclaimed Asa Bjorge Professor of Kineseology at the University. "Science doesn't need to solve this mystery she is just a god awful, and it doesn't help that she's short, and a woman".

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