Recently it came to this editors attention that the Gauntlet had begun a transformation and has been trying to rebrand itself under the helm of new Editor in Chief Cam Cotton balls Obrien most likely because out of fear for what is transpring in the civil paper war (in short the gauntlet is losing). But it wasn't until it was brought to my attention that I realized exactly what the Gauntlet had been building in their dark lair of bullshit. A transmogrifier (see: Calvin and Hobbes). To which they would put themselves inside and set it to Gontlit. Yes, the Gauntlet is increasingly trying to reach out to the Gontlit demographic by being just a bit more rebellious and gangsta in a move to save face and readership.Take for example their new advertisement by Katy Anderson:
Bad ass journalism skills? Laughable. Besides the fact that the Gontlit has been calling itself badass/balla since its conception... What is bad ass about stories such as "Mount Royal joins University Elite" or "City Hall seeks to improve taxi service"? You want bad ass try, "Mount Royal is gonna get merked fo' stepping on our turf" and "Cabdriver Rashmeed gonna get paid son". Now that would be bad ass. The Gauntlet is about as bad ass as a kid who stomps on spaghetti in the rain. Working at the Gauntlet will help you with Chatting up a bitchin' babe? I've heard that before, but I can't quite put my finger on it... OH RIGHT!
AHHHHHHH! Join our cause and you can chat up 72 bitchin' Virgins! AHHHHHHH!!!!! Lowlives.
Cam Cotton balls Obrien-- We the Gontlit demand you remove your blatant lies from your so called "student newspaper". We will not stand for such injustice. We conquered you but a few months ago, and let you live, but if you continue to step--we shall bring it on.
