Stupid Union

Studentses may has to has more empty pocketses a bit longer and shell out more for the oppurtunity to go back to the University of Calgary due to the Stupid Union, the organization that helps fund the Student Unions.

The Student Unions keeps spending money so friviously and spurratically that the average student ends up paying the ultimate price. More monies. It is a recession, afterall. And yet, Student Union attributed fees continue to sky rocket in flight!

Student Union fees once again see a steady rise as it has for the past many yearses (10+), yet what has the student union done collectivley that would say "oh hey we need a raises". Nothing. That is what. The Student Union has been exactly the samesies for the past many yearses (10+), maybe even crappier. In 1999 Will Smith's Willenium topped the charts (Will2k) and could be heard at many Student Union festivities, festivities that includes concerts, fun events, parties, and even the BSD. Fast forward to the Now! We has all of those but in shittier assortment, much shittier. But shittier must be all the rage-- thats why it costs so much and why Luke Valentine haircut is even shittier than before (gay people have their pulse on whats hot).

Part of this has to do with inflations. But any idiot knows that inflation does not occur at such a rapid pace. I can buy a chocalate bar from the U of C vending machine for 1 dollar. Guess how much I could buy a chocolate bar from the U of C vending machine 10 years agos? 1 dollar. WTF?!

You know how every years people running for SU make promises? Like cheaper textbooks, cheaper tuition, cheaper everything? You know because that is the things the average student cares about-- cheaper shits. All of that fall upon deaf ears it seems post-election.

"University is expensive, I allready have to work like a dog and then goto school, I don't really care about these faggy pajama days or concerts of bands I've never heard of. I don't care about 95% of the bullshit that SU does, I just want them to cut spending and therein my costs, that is all I want." said an average second year student. But like the deaf kid in an elementary school classroom, we the SU, didn't listen.

Prices like U-Pass, Athletics fee, Recreation costs, Union fees, Tuition, textbooks, printing costs, on and near campus housing, all continue to be on a constant rises, even during a recessions. I know for most of the Student Union has a bad case of big stinky honoria and it is hard for them to know the plight of the every man, but the continual rise of fees really hurts. Just from this year we're looking at an average increase of 40 dollarses per semester in just basic fees not evens including textbooks, housing costs, or tuition... that may seem like peanuts but thats 40 dollars that we really did not need to spend.

Now it is being learned that you wants more, that you want a raise (as condoned by Jeremy Zhao) what for? To host more terrible themed parties that sees primarily Student Union members in attendance? More expensive banquets (yeah I am a party animals lol!!!), more crappier BSD's, More Black History month concerts that are as pricey as the SU presidents hot new whip (See: Kingston's new wheels)? Even those I am in the Student Union, I no longer wants to be in the Stupid Union, and will never listen to anyone from the Stupid Union ever again. BECAUSE I AM DEAF LOLOLOLOL. And I hope that those responsibile for the continual rise in costs are not only impeached but put on the Non-Ack.

Dan Pagan, the SU prince

Methodones Clinic need some helps

I has had the last straws with this methodones problem Mr. Andre Chabot is mading, what to do with these 500 patient now? Last tuesdays the citieses suddivision and developmentals board was uphelding a city directive ordering the clinic to moves from northeast place but now they is just shutting the doors on these patient who addict to heroins and morphiner instead of trying to reducing the cravements and withdrawl symp-toms. Yeah that gonna works like a frog droving a golf carts acrosses some jungle. Sad day for Calgary and people who relies on methadone treatment. Yeah, way to go, Andre Chabot!

The clinics needs some helps desperatley, just one day off the smacks could set back these patient many month in treatments costing the methodones guys tons of moneys. My solutions is quite simple. Make a methadones blimp and has it land about once a hour at some streets and it can picks up some of the patient and take them up high in sky to get high on the less addiction methodones. Then when they are not high they is taken down and dropped off. Simple. This is my solutions and this is what Mr. Andre Chabot is not listening with.

Will the real Dan Pagan please stand up

A lot of controversy is surrounding my true identity and as a journalist I have to be truthful, so I will lay it out for you with 100% honesty. It pains me but, I have to confess something. About 2 months ago I was strapped for cash so I did what any deaf university student would do, I signed up for illegal medical testing. It was supposed to be simple, nothing I could die from, and It didn't involve radioactivity so my boys were safe, it was just a routine scientific experiment, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this. It involved me going under with a mild anesthetic, simple right? What could go wrong? Everything. I woke up amidst the chaos, the nurses and doctors were screaming, blood was everywhere, I just remember Dr. Nygost saying, "He's waking up, nurse!!" and then I blacked out again. When I woke up I was in my bed, upside down-- and for the longest time I thought it was all just a lucid dream. There was no record of any of this science experiment, and while my body was bruised it could have happened for any reason. I went on with my life thinking I hit the den a little bit too hard.

Since then things have been really weird. I was getting forgetful. People kept telling me they ran into me in the hallways but I didn't remember, or I was supposed to meet them for a costume party but I had no idea what they were talking about. Maybe they weren't talking to my face, maybe that's it. I know one time my friend was really mad at me and was all like FUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUU, and because my head was turned I didn't even know it. But it wasn't. It took me a few moments, but after school one day... I saw him... I saw a guy looking through my locker, probably looking for drug money. I followed him down the hall, but he must have sensed me peering at him, what was he doing in my locker? As I turned the corner a knife came at my neck, "Who the fuck are you? And why are you following me?".

"D..Daaaaan Paaaaaagan" I said, the knife was lowered, and I darted away from my assailant only to turn back... "You can't be" said the voice. "Why?" I signed... not realizing words came from my hand and not my mouth, "because.... I am Dan Pagan" replied the hands of the thief. He darted off into the dark hallway leaving me with a million questions. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THEEEEEE FHUUUUCK?

TO BE CONTINUED