Throwing my hat into the ring

Hey Gang, how's your summer going? Good, good. Still don't have a summer job yet? Bummer! You know... I could probably make a few calls and get you a sweet gig at vector, no, no, it's no trouble. And... you're on our calling list, expect to hear from someone tonight, you owe me one playa. Hahaha. Anyways enough about work, I just wanted to let you know that while things are going awfully super here at Vector, yeah that's my sedan, S class, the S stands for Successful as shit. I decided I need a new challenge in my life, so I am officially throwing my hat into the ring and announcing my candidacy for the University of Calgary President position. I figure since I'm around campus for 5 to 6 hours a day all ready enticing you young folks into a life of luxury and cutlery sales with my delightful erasers and business cards, I might as well make a little on the side being your schools president. How hard could it be? You know I know the guy who's quitting, yeah met him at the successful businessman conference while setting up a candy machine right next to the U of C booth ran by Harvey W-- Boy did I make a killing . Could you imagine a Vector and U Calgary joint? That would be just about as fine as the fine Cutco Cutlery products I sell from my corner office! I could use everything I know from Vector and ensure that you cool cats leave the university as real smooth operators-- Telecommunication operators that is and ready for the real world. Hope to see you all in 2010, oh by the way, what was your number again, so I-- my people can call you about that sweet gig at the V?

U of C filling Harvey's shoes with help of Working.com

Mr President hard at work on his new Family Drama to air on NUTV later this fall, could you do this?



When news came out that President Dr. Harvey "Double Beard" Weingarten was heading for the escape pod on the exploding Death star that is the University of Calgary many pundents were curious as to who the University Governance would choose to replace the 8 year veteran.

Obviously with the current economic crisis one would think that a great number of highly professional and talented candidates would jump at the oppurtunity to preside over a $1 billion dollar budget and hold the fate of over 28,000 students at their mercy. However the well of viable candidates was dry. No one wanted to be "that guy" who would replace "Double Beard" after his 8 years of tyranny where he infamously turned the University of Calgary into a cash pit, lead way for the new state of the art Library, and put Megan Tron on the Non-Ack. So because of this... The Board of Govenors had to try other avenues in finding their man or woman, so like Home Depot looking to employ a cashier, the University of Calgary developed a $30 dollar marketing campaign to attract a new President and Vice Chancellor by posting the job openings on Working.com, Monster.ca, and Craigslist.

While Megan Tron currently writes her special resume and cover letter for the position which can be sent to careers@hhsrb.ca or phoned in at 403-410-6700, lets take a minute to look at the Job posting on Working.com and see what it takes to lead the students, faculty, and shady contractors of the University of Calgary.

One key change for the position, is it is now listed as a Full time position, which means no more vacations to South America! A Masters degree is the only educational requirement, which seems steep, and for a job in education it almost seems like a scam. You wouldn't see Sears saying they require you to buy a Maytag washer and dryer to work for them.

Here is the description for the position... "YOUNG [agist], AMBITIOUS AND INNOVATIVE ARE ONLY PART OF THE STORY, You are a builder at heart. A builder of relationships. Of teams. Of stature" More like a builder of shit and buildings.

"As the eighth President and Vice-Chancellor of the University of Calgary, you will lead a young institution that has already surpassed expectations" Those are some pretty low expectations, yeah we're continually falling in Mclean's ratings, our kids are dumber than shit, we're certainly on the fast track to success and surpassing expectations!

"The University of Calgary is ranked among the top 10 Canadian universities by many measures, including sponsored research funding, graduation of Ph.D students and the quality of its professoriate. Inspire it to ascend even greater heights." I've heard about lying on your resume, but lying on your Working.com advertisment? This is ridiculous. Ranked among the top 10 Canadian universities by many measures? Who's ranking system is this? Is Rex, Calgary's red dinosaur mascot doing the rankings? People don't come to the University of Calgary for quality of its professoriate, especially since the turnover on nontenured professors is at an all time high, people come to the University of Calgary because it has some of the lowest standards in the country. See last paragraph.

One thing is for certain, by 2010 the University of Calgary will have a whole new president, and while it isn't certain this new president will be any different from "Double Beard" and actually make this University any better, but like our Souther neighbors to the south after 8 long years, we can't wait for change, we can't wait for hope, we can't wait for someone like Mark Hamil (who has an honorary masters degree from Tatooine Tech School) to become the 8th president of the U of C.


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