The Gontlit Contest!

The Gontlit has grown at an alarming pace with over 1,000 unique visitors in under a months time. It is believed by many that the Gontlit is not done growing and to further its growth spurt many high ranking editors at our offices have begun a guerrilla marketing campaign. We're already on facebook and twitter but we've been planning a poster party! That's right a party of posters. We're creating all types of fun and interesting posters to cover the walls of the U of C and surrounding areas, but we need your help so we're having our first ever contest! Actually... we're holding two:

Poster Contest: One $20 Blockbuster Gift certificate will be awarded to the reader who Creates the best "Gontlit" poster

Picture Contest: One $20 Home Depot gift card will be awarded to the reader who sends in a picture of themselves with something Gontlity in view (ideas include: Sitting in front of a computer screen, standing in front of a poster, peeing on the Gauntlet)

You can post your entries in the comment section, or email us at TheGontlit@live.ca
Winners will be chosen on May 7th. *Be advised that in order to claim your prize you will have to pick up your own prize. (We will buy them online and they will be ready for in store pickup). Good luck!

Problem with Grow-Ops? Alarm Force can help

It's 4/20 and I know many people are scared to celebrate this fantastic day in fear that the cops are going to come by and bust their grow-ops. No problem! Hi, I'm Joel Matlin, president of Alarm Force. We prevent people from breaking into your precious grow-ops, including the police with our effective two way instant voice communication. Our customer service representative will use the power of decibels to repel the people trying to steal yo weed. Let me tell you a secret: I've got a grow-op going in my own home and I'm using Alarm Force to protect my assets. There's no installation fee and it's all for just 29.95 a month. So call today, you know the drill.

Call 1-800-267-2001. 18002672001. Alarm Force.

Alarm Force is listed on the TSX.

Happy 4/20 from your friends at Vector

Hey homeslice, how's it hanging? Six feet long, don't hang just drags. I hear ya champ, don't have to tell me about it, but then again maybe you should, I've been married 6 years, and you know what that means, I'll give you a hint, it starts with a Lorena Bobbit, shing shing shing! Hahaha just joshing ya big guy. I haven't talked to you in a while, how's the family? Good good. You should get that voice mail of yours checked out. I've been giving that number you left me a ring every hour on the hour for the past week. You can run but you can't hide hahaha. It's super cool there big guy, no worries, you're probably just really busy what with finals and your baby mama, totally understandable! We here at Vector just wanted to wish you and the entire student body a happy 4/20! What's 4/20 you ask? Haha, always asking questions, I like the cut of your jib, here have an eraser. A few years back on this very day for some unexplainable reason over 300 students submitted online resumes at http://www.vectormarketing.com/Career-Opportunities.php!!! An all time high. We're not exactly sure what the reason for these high numbers of applications was but it reminded us of that Hanukkah dealy because of that guy and those miracles so we thought we'd make a celebratory day in honour of of this great feat and the jews, gotta love those jews. So on behalf of the whole team at Vector Marketing, happy 4/20!! Why not top off this great day by smoking a jay then submitting an online resume?! Shalom!

Got a second Champ?

Hi gang, I'm Bruce Goodman, President and CEO of Vector Marketing west. How you all doing? See the game last night? Go home team! Yeah! Here have an eraser. You've probably seen me around Mac Hall spreading the good word, so how are things going with school? Way to go slugger! Keep shooting for the stars! Getting ready for the summer? Almost short weather, eh? It's too bad I only wear business pants, but I'm all business. Probably looking for a nice summer job right? But not just any summer job right? You want something you can feel good about, and a good wage couldn't hurt what with this recession, am I right? haha... ha yeah, been there done that. Here have a free pencil. Ever think about working for Vector? It's all those good things rolled into one. It's a direct sales firm that markets drum roll... CUTCO CUTLERY! Yeah! Man that stuff is wizard, your mom probably even uses it in her kitchen, and your mom knows quality. It's handcrafted in the states so you know its good. Wouldn't be interested in a set of steak knives eh kiddo? I could set you up with a nice set for real cheap. Bah where are my manners, here have a pen. Might as well test that puppy out, wouldn't want to give you a faulty product, we Vectorites adhere to a strict code of ethics... scribble your name and number down here and your john hancock down there woot!, yeah, awesome! Oh wow I was so close. I'll just give you a ringle dingle later tonight and see if you're still interested in becoming a polished professional adult. In the meantime here have my business card and another eraser. Hey guess what I drive? A 2005 Kia Sportage, thing runs like a dream, can't afford one of them babies working in the salt mines, that's for sure, hold on champ I have to make a call, Hi, Dow Jones? I'd like a million shares in Cutco, yep thanks. Sorry about that chief, you know... how it is. What? Oh wow, I thought you were a certified thousandaire like yourstruly, no autograhs please, haha okay just one JK JK but I sure could use yours, yep right here pally. You're gonna love Vector, lots of babes work there, it's a real babezone that is if you like babes JK I know you're a real straight shooter, it's where I met my wife, don't you get any ideas! hahaha! just kidding champ! Hold on thats my high tech Cutco pager...life of a thousandaire... you know! Business is booming in this marketing market. Here have an eraser. OH MAN! I gotta go pick up my kids from soccer! Bruce Jr hates it when I don't high five him after he scores and this kids like his old man, a real winner so you know he'll be getting like 8 goals. I'll call you tonight gang, oh and I'd reccomend buying some scuba gear because you are going to be swimming in pussy and money working at vector. Here have an eraser.

Gontlit prepares for worst

The Gontlit is slowly preparing for the worst as the paper war looms on. Wars are won through people and money, so today, we added both.

There are two new staff writers for the Gontlit, Dan Pagan and Ho Chi Thang. We really think you guys are going to like them. They offer two really different perspectives and will make a fine addition to the Gontlit fam. Dan is an experienced writer for the punk ass gauntlet and Ho Chi is Vietnamese 1st year student of Veterinary.

We also have some bad news, too fight this paper war, we're going to need the financial power of a mega-paper conglomerate like the Gauntlet, so we started selling ad space around campus. We promise this will not affect your reading pleasure.